I’m on the edge of the cliff.
I’m looking down and quite frankly I’m on the verge of jumping.
The past three weeks have been too much and I wanna sing, “It’s My Life”, however, my theme song is more along the lines of “Runaway”.
My 84-year-old grandmother is driving me bonkers!
I love the woman, but since mid-January, I’m a believer in that whole aliens took over idea.
You see, my cousin, whom my grandmother has raised, joined the Army.
It’s a good thing.
I’m proud of him.
On the other hand, my grandmother’s routine is scrambled since he left for boot camp.
Many years younger than me, my cousin has been spoiled rotten by Grandma.
She has amplified her love by giving him everything and anything his heart desired.
The military will give him the reality check.
In the meantime, he wrote home and told her to highlight the return address on his letters with a blue highlighter or he’d have to do 50-push ups.
Not wanting to put the boy through anything like that the woman went bonkers.
She bought highlighter pens.
She called me incessantly.
She didn’t understand.
I finally went over to help her and there on her table were at least 50-letters she had “practiced on”–none of which were right.
She went on and on about this marker being too dark.
Why did they want her to do this?
I read the paper and explained, “It isn’t the return address, it’s his address and you don’t highlight it, just draw a box around it with this highlighter.”
From there she found something new to obsess over and I’m a nervous wreck from it.
To top it off, she had surgery the day after Dear Cousin left and she is restless because she isn’t working.
She doesn’t know what to do.
I have suggested rest, but she’s too antsy.
So the cycle continues.
As Grandma and I seem in a race for who goes completely insane first, I have two sick kiddos.
I’m not sure if it is a cold or allergies.
Allergy medicine seems to be giving them the most relief.
We’re waiting it out and in the meantime, I’m playing musical beds trying to appease them.
We’ve had a death in the family.
While the relative is distant from me and not someone I necessarily spent a great deal of time with, he was loved and I have many fond memories of him.
My dad grieved and I listened and it just made my heart grow larger in love for the deceased.
We’ve had a Science Fair.
Just wrapped up the Spelling Bee.
Then over the weekend, it was discovered that my 92-year-old grandfather’s home was broken into.
There was drama around this as to the police.
My dad couldn’t wait for the police because he had to work.
I had no idea what was in the house so I wouldn’t be helpful in letting the police know what was taken–though the television and other items you’d think someone would take were still in place.
Whew!
I’m a nut case.
Guess what I do when I join the loony parade?
I eat.
and eat.
and eat.
As Bon Jovi sings, “I saw a broken man who looked like me.”
I didn’t weigh in today.
I was afraid it would be the straw that gave me cause to jump.
I’m still on the cliff.
I’m still ready to jump.
But Bon Jovi sings to me, “So many second chances!”
As I sat crying today my seven-year-old found me and asked me what was wrong.
I told her I was disappointed in myself.
That I hadn’t been doing my diet–I put it aside to care for all these other people because that’s who I am.
That I was mad because I wasn’t giving myself the opportunity to be who I wanted to be.
Seven-year-olds are pretty amazing.
She looked at me and she said, “Momma, you tell me and Buddy we can’t have candy, cookies, or anything before dinner. You do that cause you love us. You need to love yourself and tell yourself no candy, cookies, or anything but your diet food. You can do it, Mom!”
And with that, I have a renewed sense.
I’m not going to beat myself up.
I’m going to not pressure myself and Friday I will weigh in.
I will be accountable.
Regardless of what the scale reads, I will take it as the first day of my new beginning.
I have posted on my refrigerator and my bathroom mirror, “Love yourself enough to say, ‘No’.” and I’m going to live by the example of my seven-year-old.
I’ll be back on Friday for Nutrisystem Weigh-In and I’m gonna rock the house!
Feel free to join me. Right now Nutrisystem is hosting their biggest sale event and rolling the prices back to 2003!