He’s my least likely celebrity crush. He’s like Peter Pan, refusing to grow up. He’s the highest-paid television actor. He’s, of course, Charlie Sheen, and he’s filed for divorce.
Okay, so the content of the headline doesn’t surprise me. After all, two marriages before this one have collapsed after the ink has dried on the Sheen wedding certificate. Perhaps what surprised me is that it was Sheen, not his wife, Brooke Mueller, who filed for divorce.
A few years back, maybe three, we came to know Brooke Mueller. She is a real estate agent. In many ways, she was good for Charlie. She made him remove tattoos from his body. She gave birth to twin boys with Sheen.
To be fair, she was only 29 at the time and maybe lived a sheltered life where she didn’t know the “other” side of Sheen. I know. I know. She should have watched Two and a Half Men, where Sheen plays Charlie Harper, whom I swear is a softer version of Sheen in real life.
Then last Christmas, a visit to Colorado had Charlie locked up on charges; he pulled a knife on Mueller. Nothing quite puts the Merry in the holiday like a knife to the throat and a death threat. The couple was separated, and eventually, both went through Rehab.
Last week Charlie reverted back to his 80s Bad Boy personality. Rumor has it he was doing drugs, on a drinking binge, and being entertained by a stripper. While none of this has been confirmed by his publicist, it’s not hard to believe it to be a possibility.
Today, Charlie Sheen filed for divorce. He cited irreconcilable differences as the reasoning. It costs him a small fortune. Brooke gets the kiddos and with it a $55,000 check monthly for child support. I don’t think there’s any jealousy here; Mueller had a clause put in the custody papers that reads: “Under no circumstances shall child support paid by Charlie for Bob and Max be less than the child support paid by Charlie to Denise Richards; for Sam and Lola.”
Do you remember Denise Richards? Locklear’s husband at the time. Charlie’s second wife, who was once friends with Heather Locklear, until Denise got a little too frisky with Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora…
I don’t know about you, but I’m kinda looking forward to seeing if Sheen Self-Destructs as he pursues the single life. I’m feeling fairly confident he will; after all, the one thing I find more difficult to believe than SHEEN filing for divorce is that one day he will wake up face down on a mattress, wipe the powder from under his nose one last time and grow up.
Sobriety is a wonderful thing, Charlie!