One of the most gratifying and perhaps daunting moments in your life is when your teenage daughter seeks your advice on dating. When she approaches you, the initial thought that crosses your mind is, “Wow, my daughter is now entering the dating scene.” However, it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate the fact that she values your opinion.

As a mother, you have the advantage of having already traversed the awkward stage your daughter is currently experiencing. She’s no longer a child, yet not quite an adult either. Consequently, she relies on your guidance to navigate through the myriad of emotions and questions that arise. This is a pivotal time for your influence to steer her towards positive and healthy choices, leading to stories she can share someday with her own daughter—yes, your future granddaughter—when she seeks advice on the same subject.

Dating Advice for Your Teen Daughter

Ensure he’s worthy.

As a parent, no guy seems good enough for your daughter. Setting a high standard is natural. While you don’t want her to develop unrealistic expectations, it’s crucial to establish certain criteria that the person she’s interested in should meet. Does he treat her well? Is he polite? How does he behave around her, both in front of his friends and hers? Encourage her to value more than just physical appearance and pay attention to his character.

To encourage your teenage daughter to value more than just physical appearance and pay attention to a person’s character when dating, you can try the following approaches:

1. Have open discussions: Engage in open and honest conversations about the importance of character in relationships. Talk about the qualities that make a person kind, respectful, trustworthy, and compassionate. Encourage her to consider these traits when evaluating potential partners.
2. Share stories and examples: Share stories or examples from your own life or from others where someone’s character made a significant difference in a relationship. Highlight the positive experiences that arise from being with someone who has good values and treats others well.
3. Challenge societal norms: Discuss societal pressures and media influences that place too much emphasis on physical appearance. Help your daughter recognize that true compatibility and long-term happiness stem from shared values, mutual respect, and emotional connection rather than just superficial attributes.
4. Encourage diverse friendships: Encourage your daughter to develop diverse friendships with different types of people. This will help her understand that character goes beyond appearances and that she can find meaningful connections with individuals from various backgrounds.
5. Teach self-worth: Instill a sense of self-worth and confidence in your daughter. Help her understand that she deserves to be with someone who appreciates and respects her for who she is, not just for her looks. Encourage her to prioritize her own values and standards when choosing a partner.
6. Discuss red flags: Educate your daughter about red flags or warning signs of unhealthy relationships, such as controlling behavior, disrespect, or a lack of empathy. Teach her to identify and trust her instincts if something doesn’t feel right.
7. Promote friendship-first approach: Encourage your daughter to build a foundation of friendship with someone before diving into a romantic relationship. This allows her to get to know the person’s character and compatibility on a deeper level, beyond initial attraction.
8. Encourage involvement in activities and interests: Encourage your daughter to engage in activities, hobbies, and interests where she can meet people who share similar values and passions. This increases the likelihood of connecting with individuals who prioritize character and compatibility.

Remember, it’s essential to maintain open lines of communication and be a supportive and non-judgmental presence in your daughter’s dating life. Your guidance and encouragement will help her develop healthy relationship standards and make informed choices based on character and compatibility.

Time is precious.

Time is an invaluable commodity, and once spent, it can never be retrieved. Emphasize to your daughter that everything about her, including her time, is irreplaceable. She should never feel obligated to go out with someone simply because they asked. Instead, she should choose to spend time with someone because she genuinely wants to and believes it will be worthwhile.

To remind your teenage daughter that she should never feel obligated to go out with someone simply because they asked, you can employ the following strategies:

1. Reinforce her autonomy: Emphasize the importance of her own autonomy and agency in making decisions about her dating life. Remind her that she has the right to choose who she spends her time with and that her choices should be driven by her own desires and interests, not by external pressure.
2. Encourage self-reflection: Encourage your daughter to reflect on her own feelings and motivations when considering dating someone. Help her understand that her decision to spend time with someone should be based on genuine interest and a belief that it will be a valuable and enjoyable experience for her.
3. Foster assertiveness: Teach your daughter to assert herself and express her preferences confidently. Encourage her to communicate honestly with potential partners, explaining that she will only pursue a relationship or spend time with someone if she genuinely wants to.
4. Discuss the importance of consent: Talk to your daughter about the significance of consent in relationships. Emphasize that she should never feel pressured or obligated to engage in any activities or go on dates against her will. Reinforce the message that her consent is vital and should always be respected.
5. Share examples and stories: Share stories or examples where individuals faced similar situations and chose to prioritize their own desires and well-being. These anecdotes can help illustrate the importance of making choices based on personal conviction rather than external expectations.
6. Be a supportive listener: Create a safe and non-judgmental space where your daughter feels comfortable discussing her dating experiences with you. Act as a supportive listener, validating her feelings and choices while offering guidance when needed.
7. Set boundaries: Help your daughter establish clear personal boundaries and reinforce the notion that she is in control of her own dating decisions. Encourage her to communicate her boundaries to potential partners and to prioritize her own comfort and well-being.
8. Lead by example: Model healthy decision-making and assertiveness in your own life. Show your daughter that you prioritize your own desires and make choices based on what you genuinely want and believe will be worthwhile.

By employing these strategies, you can help your teenage daughter navigate the dating world with confidence, ensuring that she understands the importance of making choices based on her own genuine interest and belief in the value of the experience.

Establish clear boundaries.

Discussing physical boundaries while alone on a couch or in the back row of a movie theater is inappropriate. If your daughter is a virgin and intends to remain one, encourage her to be proud of her decision and communicate it to her date. If she’s open to kissing but not ready to take things further, stress the importance of standing firm in her resolve. If she’s contemplating sex, gently advise her to approach you for guidance. She may not have considered numerous physical and emotional aspects regarding that decision. Regardless, make it clear that she cannot rely on her partner to make her sexual choices—she must make them for herself.

1. Discuss the importance of consent: Talk to your daughter about the significance of consent in relationships. Emphasize that she should never feel pressured or obligated to engage in any activities or go on dates against her will. Reinforce the message that her consent is vital and should always be respected.
2. Set boundaries: Help your daughter establish clear personal boundaries and reinforce the notion that she is in control of her own dating decisions. Encourage her to communicate her boundaries to potential partners and to prioritize her own comfort and well-being.

Recognize warning signs.

A good partner does not yell at or insult you. They don’t resort to violence or pressure you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with. A good partner treats you with respect, speaks kindly to your family and friends, and behaves like a gentleman, acknowledging your uniqueness. Therefore, if your daughter encounters behavior that deviates from these qualities, assure her that it’s not only acceptable but essential for her to remove herself from such situations. Dating is not about being taken advantage of; it’s about enjoying quality time with another individual.

Expect certain qualities universally.

Each guy will differ, but there are fundamental traits that should apply universally to a young man. He should be honest, respectful, caring, attentive, and patient. Meeting your parents or introducing you to his should not be an issue. He shouldn’t try to isolate you from your other commitments and activities. Most importantly, if he wants to date you, he should demonstrate a genuine interest in taking you on actual dates. While your daughter browses through prom dresses or prepares for other occasions, explain that such events serve as valuable “date interviews.” On a date, a guy should make plans in advance, seek your permission, and honor the commitment. Encourage your daughter not to settle when it comes to dating.

Remember the wise words of Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Maureen Dowd:

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”