It’s month two on Shaklee180 weight loss program. So many bad habits remain and as the month wore on my stress level increased and my will power faded. As many of you know I left a relationship the end of November. It’s been anything but glamorous. I’ve learned how resilient I am.
So I started the month off with a bang. I LOVE the Shaklee180 Strawberry shakes. They are satisfying and I enjoy the taste. My mornings felt good with a shake in my belly. Some folks add fruit to their smoothie, but I enjoy mine on the side. There’s something about chewing that is so satisfying!
For lunch I was eating the meal bars. My preference is the Blueberry, but the chocolate and peanut butter is mighty tasty. The bars are large and they are filling. Very filling. In fact, I am always surprised at how long it takes me to eat one. Definitely NOT a three bite bar!
I was doing really well at dinner, choosing lean protein and raw veggies.
A snack bar in the evening–my favorite lemon and cranberry.
As my stress increased–living in a seedy hotel with a door that had been kicked in so many times it no longer really closed–just lean on it and voilà, you’re in–I started dreaming up stress and one of them was the scale. I suppose I needed some affirmation that I was okay so I placed that measure on the scale. Every morning I diligently stood on the scale and waited for the LED to praise me. Guess what happens when I am stressed and sleep deprived? I don’t lose weight. I gain weight. It’s UG-ly!
So the scale was evicted.
Still seeking affirmation as my savings was fading, my choices got wobbly. I held strong through breakfast and lunch, but come dinner time I’d tell myself, what will four fried shrimp hurt? Those four turned into an entire school of shrimp being devoured, sometimes they liked to swim in swamps of tartar sauce before being devoured!
I have been out of control. I recognize these demons. They are the same that have held me hostage and lead me to my poor decision-making. These demons have a wingman called food. I shove food in my mouth to fill the void. The void that harbors fear of losing control, failure, sadness, loneliness and more.
Looking at my life, I feel the only thing I have truly failed at is my weight. I can tell you when it started to climb. I was 19 and it was the day after my wedding. There were two eclairs–one for him and one for me–they were are celebration breakfast. When I woke up, I asked where my eclair was and was told, “You were sleeping. I didn’t think you wanted it.” Yep, he ate it. It sent a mental note to me that if I wanted something, I needed to eat it right then–and as much of it as I wanted, or there wouldn’t be any later. It was reiterated when he would ask if he could have a “sip” of my drink and when the straw emerged again my drink was nearly gone.
That behavior has followed me, even beyond that marriage. It is what I wrestle with day-to-day. I’m not blaming anyone. This is my battle. I am responsible for my behavior.
April has been filled with poor choices. Feeding the emptiness and finding no reward–only a deeper sense of failure, letting myself down. April was my relapse.
May. May is my rehabilitation. My awareness that I am enough. That I can do this. That as hard as it will be, I CAN.
This is a sponsored post as part of the Shaklee Corporation blogger program. I will be receiving free products, online support and incentives for participating. My opinions are my own. People following the weight-loss portion of the Shaklee 180™ Program can expect to lose 1–2 pounds per week.