Are You Stuck in Marital Limbo? Avoid These 6 Crucial Mistakes When Going Through a Divorce: It’s an unfortunate reality that many marriages ultimately end in divorce. While the underlying causes for this can be as diverse as the reasons that bring people together in marriage, it’s a sad truth that numerous individuals we care about may find themselves navigating the complexities of divorce at some point in their lives, as confirmed by the American Psychological Association (APA). And perhaps, that person could even be you.

The dissolution of a marriage can be an emotionally challenging and legally intricate process. It’s essential to approach it with caution, awareness, and a comprehensive understanding of the potential pitfalls that lie ahead. By avoiding certain detrimental behaviors and decisions during this delicate period, you can minimize unnecessary pain, preserve your well-being, and increase the likelihood of reaching a more amicable resolution.

In this article, we delve into the crucial topic of divorce and highlight six common mistakes that should be avoided when going through this difficult experience. By recognizing and steering clear of these pitfalls, you can navigate the complexities of divorce more effectively, safeguard your emotional and mental health, and lay the groundwork for a more positive future. Whether you’re contemplating a divorce, currently in the process, or supporting a loved one through this challenging time, the insights provided here will prove invaluable. Let’s explore the key missteps to avoid when divorcing and empower ourselves with knowledge and resilience in the face of marital limbo.

If you and your partner have come to the decision that you must divorce, you must be prepared to face a difficult and stressful period in your life.

No matter how amicable your divorce may be, the upset to your routine, the routine of any children involved, and the legal aspects of a divorce will all add to a confusing, emotional time in your life. However, no matter how your divorce came to be or how you and your spouse are getting along, there are a few things you should be careful to avoid doing.

Here are six things you should never do when divorcing.

1. Use your children as pawns

It’s unfortunate that many dueling partners end up using their children as pawns in their divorce. In their misguided attempt to hurt their partner, they will withhold access to the kids, launch a custody battle, or tell their children inappropriate or damaging things about their partner. Even if you’re hurting, it’s important to remember that your children’s welfare has to come first, says the CCBI. Custody battles do not benefit the children unless one of the parents is fundamentally unfit. Do whatever you can to alleviate your children’s suffering during this time, and never speak badly about your ex-partner to them. They may be your former spouse but will always be your kids’ mother or father.

Using your children as pawns during a divorce is not only morally wrong but also detrimental to their well-being.

Here are several compelling reasons why you should never engage in such behavior:

1. Emotional and Psychological Impact: Children are highly sensitive to the emotional atmosphere within their family. Using them as pawns in a divorce inflicts significant emotional harm, causing confusion, stress, and anxiety. They may experience feelings of guilt, loyalty conflicts, and a sense of being torn between their parents.
2. Long-term Emotional Scars: Exploiting children during a divorce can have lasting psychological effects. It can erode their trust, create insecurities, and damage their self-esteem. These negative consequences can persist into adulthood, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships and leading to emotional difficulties later in life.
3. Parental Alienation: Manipulating children against the other parent, known as parental alienation, can disrupt their bond with both parents. This harmful practice can lead to the complete estrangement of the child from one parent, depriving them of a meaningful and loving relationship.
4. Legal Consequences: Using children as pawns may have legal repercussions. Courts prioritize the best interests of the child when making custody and visitation decisions. If it is discovered that one parent has been exploiting the children or engaging in manipulative behavior, it can negatively impact their case and result in reduced parental rights.
5. Co-parenting Challenges: Divorce often requires co-parenting, where both parents share responsibilities and make joint decisions for their children’s well-being. Using children as pawns creates an atmosphere of hostility, making effective co-parenting nearly impossible. This can lead to ongoing conflicts, further damaging the child’s sense of stability and security.
6. Ethical Considerations: It is essential to approach divorce with integrity and respect for the well-being of all involved, especially children. Using them as pawns disregards their autonomy, emotional needs, and rights as individuals. It goes against the principles of responsible parenting and compassionate human behavior.

In summary, never using your children as pawns in a divorce is crucial for their emotional and psychological well-being. By prioritizing their needs and shielding them from the conflicts between parents, you can create a healthier environment for their growth and development, promoting a more positive post-divorce outcome.

2. Hide money

Trying to shield funds from your spouse is a bad idea. Trying to move large sums of money out of accounts after the divorce proceedings have started can be held against you legally. In fact, in some states it’s even illegal to start moving money, racking up debt, or liquidating assets once the divorce has started. Your divorce attorney will be your best source of information at a time like this. See CaseyNelsonLaw.com to better understand what you can and can’t do with your money once a divorce has started.

Hiding money during a divorce is not only unethical but can also have severe legal and financial consequences.

Here are several compelling reasons why you should never engage in such deceptive behavior:

1. Violation of Legal Obligations: During divorce proceedings, both spouses have a legal obligation to provide full and accurate financial disclosure. Hiding money constitutes a breach of this duty and can lead to serious legal repercussions. Courts rely on accurate financial information to make fair decisions regarding property division, spousal support, and child support.
2. Loss of Credibility: If it is discovered that you have hidden assets or income, your credibility will be severely undermined. This can negatively impact your position in negotiations or court hearings and may result in a less favorable outcome for you. Judges tend to view such behavior unfavorably and may impose penalties or sanctions as a consequence.
3. Unequal Distribution of Assets: By hiding money, you are intentionally skewing the financial picture, potentially depriving your spouse of their rightful share of marital assets. This unfair distribution can lead to long-term financial hardship for your ex-spouse and compromise the integrity of the divorce settlement.
4. Legal Consequences and Penalties: Engaging in financial deception during a divorce can have serious legal consequences. Courts have the power to impose penalties, including fines and even imprisonment, for contempt of court or fraudulent behavior. Moreover, if the deception is discovered after the divorce is finalized, the court may reopen the case and revise the settlement based on the newly revealed information.
5. Damage to Co-Parenting Relationship: If you have children and are co-parenting with your ex-spouse, hiding money can erode trust and create a hostile co-parenting environment. Cooperation and open communication are essential for the well-being of your children, and financial deception can significantly strain the ability to co-parent effectively.
6. Diminished Financial Future: Engaging in deceptive financial practices may provide temporary advantages, but the long-term consequences can be detrimental. Hiding money undermines your financial stability and can limit your future opportunities. It may also lead to additional legal battles, costly investigations, and prolonged litigation, resulting in further financial strain.

In summary, hiding money during a divorce is not only morally wrong but also carries significant legal and financial risks. It is essential to approach the divorce process with transparency and honesty to ensure a fair and equitable resolution. By adhering to legal obligations and maintaining integrity, you can protect your credibility, promote a healthier post-divorce relationship, and secure your financial future.

3. Compare your divorce

A lot of people go through divorces, which means that there will be plenty of people looking to offer you their opinions on what you should or shouldn’t do or telling you how your divorce is going to play out. While it would be great if there was a tried and true guideline for divorce, the simple fact is that there isn’t. Not only do laws differ, but each divorce is as unique as the people who were in the marriage, says Psychology Today. Comparing your divorce to others can be detrimental to your emotional well-being and the overall healing process.

Here are several reasons why you should avoid comparing your divorce to that of others:

1. Unique Circumstances: Each divorce is unique, influenced by a variety of factors such as individual personalities, the nature of the relationship, financial considerations, and the presence of children. Comparing your divorce to someone else’s overlooks the specific circumstances that contribute to the complexity and challenges of your own situation.
2. Emotional Distress: Comparisons often lead to feelings of inadequacy, resentment, or self-blame. If you perceive someone else’s divorce as being more amicable, quicker, or less painful, it can intensify negative emotions and undermine your own healing process. It’s crucial to focus on your own journey and prioritize your emotional well-being.
3. Unrealistic Expectations: Comparisons can create unrealistic expectations for your own divorce experience. Every divorce follows a unique timeline and has its own set of obstacles. If you set your expectations based on others’ experiences, you may be disappointed or discouraged when your own process doesn’t align with those unrealistic standards.
4. Impact on Decision-Making: Comparing your divorce to others may lead to impulsive or ill-informed decisions. Each divorce requires careful consideration of legal, financial, and personal factors. Making choices based on someone else’s divorce can undermine your own best interests and lead to regrets down the line.
5. Disregard for Personal Growth: Divorce offers an opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection. By comparing your divorce to others, you may overlook the lessons and insights that are unique to your own experience. Embracing the challenges and learning from them can lead to personal transformation and a healthier future.
6. Distraction from Healing: Constantly comparing your divorce to others can distract you from the healing process. Each individual requires time and space to grieve, reflect, and rebuild their life after a divorce. Focusing on external comparisons can prevent you from fully processing your emotions and hinder your ability to move forward.

In summary, comparing your divorce to others is unproductive and can hinder your healing journey. It’s important to recognize that your divorce is unique and should be approached with self-compassion and personal growth in mind. By focusing on your own needs, making informed decisions, and seeking support, you can navigate your divorce in a way that promotes your emotional well-being and paves the path for a positive future.

4. Do things out of spite

Even if you’re betrayed, hurt, or distraught, don’t start doing things out of spite, like leaving the windows down on your wife’s car or throwing out your husband’s clothes. This information can be brought into court and play against you since it makes you look unstable and vindictive. If you feel yourself spinning out of control with anger, consider speaking to a counselor or finding healthy ways to redirect your anger–like taking up a sport.

Engaging in actions out of spite during a divorce is highly discouraged for several significant reasons:

1. Escalating Conflict: Acting out of spite fuels hostility and escalates the conflict between you and your ex-spouse. This can lead to prolonged legal battles, increased emotional distress, and a more adversarial divorce process. Escalating conflict often results in negative outcomes for both parties and may have long-lasting negative effects on your overall well-being.
2. Detrimental to Children: If you have children, they are likely to be directly or indirectly affected by the animosity between you and your ex-spouse. Acting out of spite can harm their emotional well-being, create tension in their lives, and strain their relationship with both parents. It is crucial to prioritize their best interests and shield them from any unnecessary pain or conflict.
3. Financial Consequences: Engaging in spiteful actions can have severe financial implications. These actions may involve dissipating marital assets, hiding income, or incurring unnecessary legal expenses. Such behavior can lead to financial losses, damage your financial stability, and prolong the resolution of financial matters during the divorce process.
4. Negative Impact on Your Well-being: Acting out of spite can take a toll on your own emotional and mental health. It can perpetuate anger, resentment, and bitterness, hindering your ability to heal and move forward. Instead of focusing on personal growth and recovery, you may find yourself trapped in a cycle of negativity and emotional distress.
5. Legal Consequences: Engaging in spiteful actions can have legal repercussions. Courts are often able to identify actions driven by spite and may respond with penalties, sanctions, or unfavorable rulings. Engaging in behaviors such as harassment, defamation, or intentionally sabotaging the divorce process can harm your legal standing and hinder the achievement of a fair resolution.
6. Hindering Closure and Moving Forward: By acting out of spite, you may prolong the divorce process and delay your ability to achieve closure. Holding onto anger and spite prevents you from fully embracing your new life post-divorce and moving forward with a sense of peace and resolution.

In summary, acting out of spite during a divorce is counterproductive and detrimental to your overall well-being. It prolongs conflict, harms children, and can have significant financial and legal consequences. It is in your best interest to focus on pursuing a constructive and amicable divorce process, prioritizing the well-being of all involved, and working towards personal healing and growth.

5. Fight over things that don’t matter to you

If you’ve never cared about the couch in the basement or the antique sewing machine, now is not the time to start. Don’t see every little thing you or your ex gets as a win or a loss. Instead, focus on the items you truly care about and would actually want to own and care for.

Engaging in fights over things that don’t truly matter to you during a divorce is unproductive and can have negative consequences.

Here are several reasons why it is advisable to avoid such conflicts:

1. Emotional Drain: Engaging in unnecessary fights over insignificant matters can be emotionally draining. Divorce is already a challenging and emotionally charged process, and investing energy in disputes over trivial things can add unnecessary stress and prolong the overall healing process. It’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being and focus on what truly matters to you.
2. Wasted Time and Resources: Fighting over things that hold little value to you can result in a waste of time, money, and energy. Legal battles can be costly, and dedicating resources to trivial disputes can deplete your financial reserves and extend the duration of the divorce process. It is more prudent to allocate your resources towards resolving important matters that have a meaningful impact on your future.
3. Strained Relationships: Engaging in unnecessary conflicts can strain relationships, especially if you have children together or share mutual connections. Constant fighting over insignificant things can create a toxic atmosphere and hinder effective co-parenting or future communication. It’s important to foster an environment of cooperation and focus on maintaining healthy relationships, especially when children are involved.
4. Impaired Decision-Making: Fighting over insignificant matters can cloud your judgment and impair your ability to make sound decisions during the divorce process. By becoming overly invested in trivial disputes, you may lose sight of the bigger picture and compromise your ability to reach a fair and balanced settlement. It’s essential to maintain perspective and prioritize the issues that truly impact your long-term well-being.
5. Delayed Healing and Closure: Engaging in fights over inconsequential matters can hinder the healing process and delay closure. Divorce presents an opportunity for personal growth and a fresh start. By fixating on insignificant disputes, you may prolong your attachment to the past and hinder your ability to embrace a new chapter in your life.
6. Focus on What Truly Matters: Divorce provides an opportunity to reassess your priorities and focus on what truly matters to you. By letting go of fights over things that have minimal importance, you can redirect your energy towards building a better future, nurturing important relationships, and investing in your own personal growth.

In summary, it is advisable to avoid fighting over things that don’t genuinely matter to you during a divorce. By doing so, you can conserve emotional energy, allocate resources effectively, maintain healthy relationships, and prioritize what truly impacts your well-being. Embracing a mindset of focusing on the significant aspects of the divorce process will contribute to a smoother transition and increase the chances of reaching a more positive and fulfilling post-divorce future.

6. Keep adding money to a joint account

While you should not hide money, you don’t need to keep adding it to a joint account either. According to Money Talk News, you should open up a separate account to start depositing your pay into and start creating a financial footprint that isn’t attached to your spouse.

Continuing to add money to a joint account during a divorce is generally not recommended due to the following reasons:

1. Complicating Financial Division: When you add money to a joint account during a divorce, it can blur the lines of ownership and complicate the process of dividing assets. The funds in the joint account may be subject to equitable distribution or community property laws, which means they could be considered marital assets to be divided between you and your spouse. Adding more money to the account may result in a larger portion being subject to division.
2. Increased Conflict and Distrust: Continuously contributing to a joint account during a divorce can breed further conflict and distrust between you and your spouse. It can create an atmosphere of contention and raise questions about financial transparency and intentions. This may impede the negotiation process and lead to more acrimonious discussions or legal disputes.
3. Unequal Access and Control: Adding money to a joint account can provide your spouse with ongoing access and control over those funds, potentially enabling them to deplete or misuse the account. This lack of control can put you at a financial disadvantage and jeopardize your ability to manage your own finances effectively during the divorce process.
4. Risk of Hiding Assets: In some cases, one spouse may try to hide assets by adding money to a joint account with the intention of reclaiming it after the divorce is finalized. This behavior is unethical and can have serious legal consequences. Courts expect full financial disclosure, and attempts to hide assets can result in penalties, sanctions, or a revision of the settlement.
5. Complexity in Financial Tracking: By continuing to contribute to a joint account, it becomes more challenging to track your individual financial contributions and separate your personal finances from the shared account. This can complicate the determination of separate property and make it harder to establish a clear financial picture during the divorce proceedings.
6. Delayed Financial Independence: By adding money to a joint account, you may unintentionally prolong your financial entanglement with your spouse. Divorce is often a time for individuals to establish financial independence and create separate financial identities. Continuing to contribute to a joint account can delay this process and hinder your ability to build a new financial foundation.

In summary, refraining from adding money to a joint account during a divorce is generally advised to avoid complicating the division of assets, reducing conflict and distrust, maintaining financial control, and facilitating a smoother transition to financial independence. It’s essential to consult with a divorce attorney or financial advisor to understand the specific legal implications and best practices in your jurisdiction.

Final Thoughts:

Divorce is a complex and emotionally challenging process, and it’s important to approach it with careful consideration and mindfulness. Throughout the divorce journey, it is crucial to prioritize your well-being, maintain integrity, and seek the guidance of legal and emotional support systems.

Avoiding destructive behaviors such as using children as pawns, hiding money, acting out of spite, fighting over insignificant matters, or adding money to a joint account can help promote a more amicable and fair resolution. By focusing on communication, transparency, and prioritizing the best interests of all parties involved, you can navigate the divorce process with greater ease and increase the chances of achieving a positive outcome.

Remember that each divorce is unique, and comparisons to others can be counterproductive. Instead, focus on your own journey, personal growth, and creating a healthy future for yourself and, if applicable, your children. Seek support from trusted professionals, friends, or support groups who can provide guidance, empathy, and practical advice.

By embracing self-care, practicing empathy and understanding, and maintaining a long-term perspective, you can navigate the challenges of divorce and emerge with resilience and a renewed sense of purpose. Keep in mind that healing takes time, and by investing in your own well-being, you can move forward with strength and optimism.