It’s an unfortunate fact of life we all live with that many marriages end in divorce. While the reasons for this are as myriad as the reasons people enter into marriage, it’s safe to say that many people you know and love may have to suffer through a divorce at one point in their lives. Sometimes, that person will be you.
If you and your partner have come to the decision that you must divorce, you must be prepared to face a difficult and stressful period in your life. No matter how amicable your divorce may be, the upset to your routine, the routine of any children involved, and the legal aspects of a divorce will all add to a confusing, emotional time in your life.
However, no matter how your divorce came to be or how you and your spouse are getting along, there are a few things you should be careful to avoid doing. Here are six things you should never do when divorcing.
- Use your children as pawns
It’s an unfortunate fact that many dueling partners end up using their children as pawns in their divorce. In their misguided attempt to hurt their partner, they will withhold access to the kids, launch a custody battle, or tell their children inappropriate or damaging things about their partner.
Even if you’re hurting, it’s important to remember that your children’s welfare has to come first. Unless one of the parents is fundamentally unfit, custody battles do not benefit the children. Do whatever you can to alleviate your children’s suffering during this time, and never speak badly about your ex-partner to them. They may be your former spouse, but they will always be your kids’ mother or father.
- Hide money
Trying to shield funds from your spouse is a bad idea. Trying to move large sums of money out of accounts after the divorce proceedings have started can be held against you legally. In fact, in some states it’s even illegal to start moving money, racking up debt, or liquidating assets once the divorce has started. Your divorce attorney will be your best source of information at a time like this. See CaseyNelsonLaw.com to better understand what you can and can’t do with your money once a divorce has started.
- Compare your divorce
A lot of people go through divorces, which means that there will be plenty of people looking to offer you their opinions on what you should or shouldn’t do, or telling you how your divorce is going to play out. While it would be great if there was a tried and true guideline for divorce, the simple fact is that there isn’t. Not only do laws differ, but each divorce is as unique as the people who were in the marriage.
- Do things out of spite
Even if you’re betrayed, hurt, or distraught, don’t start doing things out of spite like leaving the windows down on your wife’s car or throwing out your husband’s clothes. This information can be brought into court and can play against you since it will make you look unstable and vindictive. If you feel yourself spinning out of control with anger, consider speaking to a counselor or finding healthy ways to redirect your anger–like taking up a sport.
- Fight over things that don’t matter to you
If you’ve never cared about the couch in the basement or the antique sewing machine, now is not the time to start. Don’t see every little thing you or your ex gets as a win or a loss. Instead, focus on the items you truly care about and would actually want to own and care for.
- Keep adding money to a joint account
While you should not hide money, you don’t need to keep adding it to a joint account either. Open up a separate account to start depositing your pay into and start creating a financial footprint that isn’t attached to your spouse.